It was God, not me.

I hesitate to share the sorrow I am most taken with right now, b/c I feel selfish and inadequate in the shadow of our dear friend who was neither. My husband needs Mike, I need Mike – my kids need him – I wonder who will fill the role he played, who will be my husband’s spiritual coach. I loved his unwillingness to gloss things over or beat around the bush. My mother-in-law and I often discuss the ease with which we can communicate with somebody by whether or not they “get it.” Mike “got it.” I could leave the disclaimers behind with him and just say what was on my heart and he reciprocated with his whole heart. We often had deep conversations about the love of Christ and the responsibility to share and develop that love with my children. We talked about marriage, parenting, accountability, love, trust, doubt and so much more.

We shared so many of the most important milestones in our life with Mike – he was there when Buzz and I first started dating, for our marriage, for the births of our children, their birthday parties, and later, he became part of our family. I was so proud on Thursday when I found out that Mike and Amber had become engaged – I was literally beaming with joy. Amber is my cousin – Mike, one of our very best friends – both had been in our wedding. Mike, of course, had laid the impossibly heavy burden of his impending engagement to Amber on me and my husband (and a slew of others, apparently!) on Easter Sunday. I love to talk - keeping this secret was unimaginable, but I did it! So, when the news came of their engagement, I just about hit the ceiling with excitement. Not being as humble as Mike, I was proud to exclaim that I had set Mike and Amber up about a year and a half ago. Mike was a gift to me and to my family…yet another new family for Mike. Yet another branch of the “Mike Sennett fan club.”

My heart is aching for my husband (who he dragged to retreats without ever losing patience) and my son, Louie (who broke my heart as he sobbed in Buzz’s arms while we processed out of church Thursday), my daughters Bonnie, Sarah and Anna (they had quite a “thing” for each other – a shared “feisty-ness”). He loved them so much and they loved him – even though it wasn’t a love marked by anything extraordinary – they loved him simply and purely – in the same way they love me and Buzz – without effort.

Those of you who knew Mike are familiar with his uncanny ability to show up when he was “just in the neighborhood” which did not necessarily qualify that time as opportune for me, a busy mother of four busy kids – so, like Mike, who was comfortable in almost any situation, I was also comfortable saying, “Alright Mike, it’s me and you, Buzz is on a fire call, get busy.” And thus I would assign Mike a task – on one occasion, I asked Mike to read a bedtime story to the kids. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the image of him lying on the bed with them piled all around him. He seemed perfectly comfortable – but, afterward, when the kids were all tucked in, he shared with me what a milestone that had been for him. I can’t remember the exact words, but he told me that he had always been afraid of reading to kids at bedtime – he was nervous about doing it “right.” But, I love it that he made sure that I knew it was a big deal for him – I am honored that we could help him clear that hurdle.

It will take time for me to quit thinking of “what could have been.” I wanted to have an engagement party for Mike and Amber, participate in what would have surely been one of the most beautiful weddings, hear him read flawlessly to his own children…and so much more.

Mike contemplated things that some men wouldn’t – after he and Amber had been dating a while and it was clear that he was “smitten” (his words to my husband), he called and wanted to know what had ever prompted me to set them up. We concluded together that it was God, not me.

Tina Eckelkamp
Washington, MO